Overwhelming

Oh my goodness. It's so much...I don't know or care about what people say. Yes, it may be a good thing that we may not need to go to school physically anymore. But the transition to online classes has been quite overwhelming. Yes, we may have more time on our hands to do the homework, but that also means that we also have TIME! Unscheduled time! FREETIME at that...and that isn't so good for me. I struggle with how I spend my freetime. Specifically with what I do, spending hours out of the day playing The Sims 2 & 4; falling evermore behind on my coursework. 😥 I fear as if I struggle with time management and procrastination and this quarantine isn't helping me out. How can I overcome this? How can I do better in school, in college; in university? It's terrible really! The school is being so merciful and it seems as if this is an opening, a sign from God to get me to get on top of my things but I'm still lacking and falling behind. I don't know why I procrastinate and or just waste my day away playing Sims games. Or just laying around watching YouTube videos, eating food and gaining weight...I say that I'm going to change and do what I'm supposed to but I don't. I fall back into my own ways and I just get deeper and deeper into this self-created despair. It's all depressing when I think about it, so I tend to not think about it...until late at night when I'm trying to sleep. I hate going to college and having to take classes and doing the stupid homework and projects that takes hours, but I do it because I don't want to continue working at places that assign me as a dishwasher all the time. There is no other way to make a living in a way that is healthy and or fun for yourself. You either go to school, taking classes to earn a degree that MIGHT be useful in getting a certain job that you think you will like, that'll pay more, that you THINK will be available many years later once you graduate. All in hopes that you live a happy, steady, stable life. When all in all, if you were to die tonight or tomorrow, all you'd have to show for your life is you going through school feeling unhappy and overwhelmed. Why can't I just have money to live, to be happy. Why can't we all have money to live steadily so that we can pursue happiness and the meaning of our lives? Why does life and everything you have to go through in it to supposedly have a better one have to be so OVERWHELMING!!